Ah, Fall. Leaves are changing, football is back in season (go BSU!), cheap bear companies are once again producing camouflage cans, and, most significantly, winter is ever closer. With each passing day, discussion about how epic the winter is going to be becomes more and more fierce. Let there be no doubt, THIS IS THE YEAR. The year where that one line comes in, the year when you might get sick of powder (like that could happen) and the year that you finally join the century club- and I’m not talking in some frat-boy-drinking-game kind of way. Yes, the prognosis is in: it’s going to be good. How you may have arrived at this conclusion, however, may differ greatly. Below is a handy reference to the people you meet, and some of the weather prediction methods they used to determine it will be the best winter, ever.
“Denali- bring me my Patchouli Oil”
The Hippie- There you are, rubbing Patchouli Oil all over yourself and petting your Malamute/Husky that’s likely named after some mountain/town/river in Alaska, and what’s this? Denali’s coat is coming in extra thick this year? Confirming what you’ve suspected- a long, cold, powder-filled winter is ahead.
The Long Time Local- Your prognosis of the current state of snow (or lack there of) likely starts with “you know, this isn’t that unusual,” and concludes with some sort of statement about the truly big winters not having snow until Christmas.
The Scientist- Every fall, NOAA comes out with long-term forecasts to ensure that their government funding is kept at a maximum. Unfortunately, these forecasts contain little more validity than the Farmer’s Almanac (see below). Referencing these will only win you appreciation amongst your similarly nerdy friends.
Ah, Google images, only if this were a camo can
The Native- It has been said that pinecones can predict the strength and intensity of the upcoming winter. Lucky for us, you’ve been keeping pinecone size/quantity/color data for your Douglas Fur for the last ten years, and can accurately inform us about the upcoming winter.
The Farmer’s Almanac Guy- Produced yearly since 1818, the farmer’s Almanac is your go to resource for weather information- that’s 100% bulls*%t (note: they claim an 85% accuracy rate.) The proverbial Ouija board of weather forecasting, the almanac predicts countrywide weather forecasts based on whims.
The Gut Feeling Guy- You can “feel it” and you’ve been “feeling it” for quite some time now. What exactly you’ve been feeling is debatable.
This clip just brings up so many emotions
La Nina/El Nino Guy- Yes, ocean temperatures play a large role in general weather patterns. Conversations relating to El Nino (at least amongst my friends) usually go something like this:
Me: Wasn’t (insert year here) an El Nino year.
Friend: Yeah, and that winter was amazing.
Other Friend: Yo soy El Nino! That’s Spanish for…the Nino.
Friend: Man, that sucks Chris Farley died.
Me: Yeah, bummer.